Stepping out and living boldly–Ready, set, go!

Okay, tagging on to the last thought of what would happen if we stopped doing what we don’t want to…

I came up with a better thought (I think–you tell me if you agree), what would happen if we started doing what we want?  I am thinking, like, why not?  What is it we have to lose anyway?  Fame, fortune, the admiration of our friends?  Love, approval, peace? Will we be laughed at, rejected for REALLY showing up?  Boldly being who we are? Do we know who we are?  Tell me–why is it that we spend so much time telling our children, our friends, and our family what we think they should do with their lives?  Why is it we spend so much time telling ourselves what we can’t do, what might not work and shrinking from boldly being who we are?  Okay-maybe you don’t do that and I am talking about myself again.  However, I have a deep suspicion that if I am talking about me, I am not alone.  I have decided, WHY?!??  More importantly, I think it would be a REALLY fantastic idea if we would stop hiding, being who we think others want us to be and in general resign from playing it safe and STEP OUT AND LIVE BOLDLY.  What does this look like? Let’s make a list of possible approaches.

1. Find your voice and use it.  Say what you want to say, from the heart, from your mind, just say it.
2. Be a dreamer and dream BIG.
3. Do something every day, every moment if you can, to live your dream.
4. Laugh loudly and keep laughing when they look at you.
5. Walk around the neighborhood and sing loudly to the songs on your iPod.
6. Dance anywhere you feel like dancing, like the grocery store isle, the streets, your backyard.
7. Write a book. Paint a picture. CREATE something.
8. Talk to everyone you see and smile even if they don’t smile back.
9. Say no when you want to say no and yes when you want to say yes.
10. Did I say, laugh out loud?

So here is to stepping out and living boldly–all the best to you if you decide to try it.  If you are already doing, please give us tips on living life as yourself.  I for one have decided to write my own play entitled the life of Zohreh and cast myself as the star.  Z

Why do we do what we don’t want to and what would happen if we didn’t?

Does the question make sense to you?  It makes sense to me because I am doing too many things that I don’t want to do.  I am not sure when I started this practice and I am even more unsure of how to end it.  Does it matter how it started? For someone who has spent the majority of their career focused on human behavior and system dynamics, I may put too little stock in the past.  I tend to focus on the here and now and the future.  Why?  Well, that’s a question for another day.  For today, let’s get back to the question at hand, more specifically the first question: why do we do what we don’t want to do?

Well, I could start with answering, why do I do what I don’t want to do, but that feels a little too personal.  After all, this blog is a reflection of my professional, wholistic self, not my deeply intimate personal self — so let’s stick to the general question.  I have some thoughts:

1. We are taught to be nice.
2. We are taught part of being nice, is making other people happy.
3. Other people tend to be happiest when we are doing what they want us to do.
4. The world appears to be divided up into two major groups (a gross over simplification, but let’s run with it).  Group 1 includes those people that have a strong need to please others and have a difficult time saying no when they want to say no, and group 2 includes those people that have a strong need to please themselves and have a difficult time saying yes when they want to say no. Did you follow number 4? I am making this up as I go along and I am not sure I have the groups right, but it will get the discussion started.  Why do some people need to please others more than themselves?  I don’t think we can say one group is more selfish than the other.  Some would argue that the group 2, the group who can easily say no when they don’t want to do something, that this group is on to something.  Okay, back to the why some need to please others more than themselves.  Let’s just say that particular piece of the puzzle is as yet unsolved but we suspect it has something to do with our environmental experiences.  Do you believe this?  I am not sure that I do.  I think it is very complex and linked to the essense of who we are as well as environmental experiences.  Is there a number 5?  I think so. 
5. Some people don’t take no exceptionally well, putting pressure on group 1, the group having a hard time saying no, to do things they don’t want to do.
6. We live in an extremely inter-dependent world and thus it becomes difficult to seperate ourselves from the needs of others.
7. We become accustomed to living our lives by the wishes and judgements of others and it becomes increasingly difficult to figure out exactly what it is we want.
8. We don’t want to hurt other people by saying things like, “Thanks for the invitation, but I don’t really want to see you again” or “I am sorry I have to go.  I can’t be part of a conversation involving gossip about another person.”
9. We are afraid.  Afraid if we are truthful that we will destroy those around us, our relationships and the fabric of our personal and professional lives built around carefully constructed illusions.  I would say more about this one, but it would border on the deeply intimate instead of the professionally wholistic.
10. Somehow we started it and now we don’t know how to stop.

Part 2, what would happen if we stopped. Well now that is just plain interesting.  Let’s leave that for another day.

 

Remembering One Who Has Gone On

It is with great sadness that I write this entry.  This week (by the time this is posted, last week) we learned that one of our team members, Mary Lou Morton, died on Monday night in a tragic accident.  During the days I think about what we can do to remember her, to honor her life here.  During the night, I wake with a deep pain in my chest still fighting a reality that I do not want to accept, willing myself to remember all that I believe about what is good and right in this world and the journey beyond.

I met Mary Lou when Alice Prather suggested she could help us with a client project a few years ago.  Alice and Mary Lou had worked together for many years and were close friends.  When I first met Mary Lou, I was struck instantly with a feeling of joy.  I came to understand that she is the kindest, sweetest person that I have ever met.  Mary Lou did go on to consult for us and the client loved her work and who she was.  Everyone who worked with her said the same thing — she is absolutely wonderful. 

I started to write this entry the evening before I went to Mary Lou’s memorial.  After going to the memorial, I learned so much about Mary Lou that I didn’t know.  She loved horses (I did know that part), she loved Harley motorcycles and country music.  The memorial was a beautiful event on her property in Tonto Basin under a very special and large tree next to her horses.  Her family, friends and colleaques laughed and cried and told stories.  Alice, who knows Mary Lou so well, said it the memorial was just like Mary Lou — warm and down to earth.   It was so clear that the many people there had the same experience of Mary Lou – to meet her was to feel you knew her and to love her.  She had a way of making everyone feel important, special and connected.  She is and will be missed so very deeply and remembered always by all who she touched during her life here — her beautiful family, friends, community and co-workers.  We love you Mary Lou.