Being Real

Today I am experiencing being real.  I have written several times on themes related to this and most recently wrote about firing the critic.  There is an irony involved in “trying to be real”.  The minute you are “trying”, do you cease to “be”?  Let’s just let that one swirl around a bit and move on…

So in “being real”, I notice that fear of judgment comes up.  What will others think of me?  Will they think I am too loud, too controlling, too harsh, too soft.  Will I look foolish?  If I write that book, will anyone read it?  Will they think it is good?  If I put together that speech and practice, will anyone want me to speak?  Will anyone show up?  What if I step out and fall flat? 

Can I really add to the already incredibly large body of knowledge about leadership and team development?  And why do I have this burning passion to do just that?  Is it only the people from Harvard and Yale that get to help us be better, healthier, and more productive? 

It is a seemingly endless stream of sludge.  It is false and it drives us, some of us anyway.  Some days it is hidden and completely silent. Other days it whispers and yet others it yells, it sabotages, it triggers fear and doubt, despair and worst of all inaction.  

So what is my answer? Laugh, laugh loud and laugh long and then step anyway.  Write anyway.  Speak anyway.  Call that person you want to learn from anyway.  Volunteer for that project you want to be a part of anyway.  Stand up and be, anyway.  Relax and be. 

There are so many directions we can go with this.  Let’s just leave it at this: We are here.  We all have different ideas on how we got here, but we are here, experiencing this life, attempting to live and work together.  So let’s just say there is a place for all of us, that we all have as much right to breathe the air, to live, to love, to contribute, and to be. 

So here I am, filled with a passion for helping, being of service, and leading.  I have a burning desire to write, to speak, and to share about the honor and responsibility that comes with leadership, about how we can all work together in a healthy and productive way, and how ultimately it is genuine collaboration that builds the foundations for our organizations, systems and communities.  Will they read what I write? Will they come to hear me speak?  Will they allow me the privilege of advising and consulting for their organizations when I don’t pretend that I know everything?  You see, I just can’t pretend anymore.  You are the first to know.  This is the place it is revealed, a blog.  Who would have thought that as I typed the truth would find its way to this page.  Not the ultimate “truth”, because I don’t have that to offer, but my truth, for this day, for this moment. 

I hope you are well as you read this.  I hope you remember your dreams or perhaps are even living them.  I hope you are comfortable in your own skin and know who you are and what you are here to do.  I hope you are fabulously successful and filled to the brim with joy.  Whatever day you read this, I hope it is a most wonderful day for you.

Lesson #1: Fire the Critic

Hi All. Thanks for visiting my blog.  It is still an adventure for me, a blogging adventure.  It is writing to people, you in this moment, without knowing what you think, that makes it most challenging.  Which brings me to Lesson #1, Fire the Critic.  It is my lesson, meaning the lesson that I need to learn.  It is lesson #1 because I think it is the lesson I need to learn above all others at the moment. 

I don’t remember what famous or brilliant person came up with the idea, the idea of firing the critic, but I know it wasn’t me.  All the same, today is a great day to embrace this concept.  I don’t know where the critic came from.  It appears to be some conglomeration of our own negative thoughts and every person that every told us what we should or shouldn’t do (similar to the judge in the Don Miguel Ruiz’s “The Four Agreements”). 

On the surface, I think I look pretty bold a majority of the time.  I actually love boldness, the strength and purity of it.  There is not a lot of time to think about what you should and shouldn’t be when you are being bold, because it is just that, being…

However, you may have caught that I said, “I THINK I look pretty bold a majority of the time”.  Meaning, you got it, if you are THINKING that you LOOK bold, you are in all likelihood not being bold.  Which takes us back to our critic, or mine at least.  I am really sick of him/her/it.  I want to do more.  I want to be more and in response I feel something coming up from deep inside, fear.  Fear that I will fail.  Fear that I won’t look like I know what I am doing.  Fear that I won’t be one of the ones.  You know, the ones that are a brilliant success.  

What do I spend my professional time doing? Consulting and leading a consultant team.  Aren’t consultant’s experts?  Well, we know a thing or two, but actually we all do.  As a consultant, we have the honor of being an objective set of ears and eyes in that slice of time, for that particular client.  If being a consultant means you resign from the human race and no longer have to deal with the inner critic (we both know that is not the case), than I need to find another profession (which I don’t feel inclined to do, because I love helping organizations and the leaders and staff that breathe life into them).  So here I am, spending most of my professional time looking like I know what I am doing (I hope so anyway), often thinking, what should I do? What do I say in this moment to help this group, this leader, this team. 

It is so unpredictable.  The world is full of experts and books that say “do this”.  What if the truth is that human behavior is unpredictable, team dynamics complex, funding and market forces swiftly and constantly changing, leadership a life long journey of mastery?  What if no one knows exactly what we are supposed to do?  What if it is all one great, messy experiment called life? 

Did you think I had forgotten the critic?  I wish.  No, he/she/it is there, is here with me.  Wispering as I write this:  are you being too open?; are you rambling to much?; will they think less of you?; why are you revealing personal stuff in a professional blog?; why can’t you separate you personal self from your professional self?; should you try?

There is another voice whispering.  It says, write.  Write whatever you want.  Be who you are, be who you want to be.  I like that voice the best.  The critic robs.  I see it all around as people struggle to feel good, really good about themselves and who they are.  And I wonder, do we find it so challenging to truly accept others because we often fail to accept ourselves.  The people that look so confident and self assured, are they really?  I hope so.  I hope we all can find that genuine place where we can be ourselves and accept one another. For me it is time, time to step out and be more.  To speak, to write, to share, to be of service in a bigger way, with much less thought for how I look to others and much more about the people in front of me. 

So let’s have a party and celebrate. Let’s fire the critic.  And if he/she/it tries to sneak back…well that is a blog entry for another day. Have a great day!