Would you want to work with yourself?

Interesting, huh?  Let’s start with me.  Would I want to work with me?  I will list all the reasons that I think I would and all the reasons that I think that I wouldn’t.  Then we can check the balance sheet.

Would:

I’m friendly.

I’m inclusive.

I care about other people.

I help team members when they need help.

I am committed to the big picture and the overall mission, not just my piece of the pie.

I care.  Did I say that already? I care A LOT.

I like to laugh.

I give other people credit for their work.

I don’t gossip.

I have skills to offer the team. I am a contributor.

I take accountibility for what I do, don’t do and everything in between.

I am a person of integrity.

Would Not:

I can be overly controlling about “how” something gets done as well as lots of other little and big things.

I often dominate a conversation, talking more than listening.

I sometimes interrupt people.

I can be too particular, spending time on “making things perfect” rather than accepting it as “good enough” and moving on to the next thing. 

Being overly particular also leads to being overly critical of the way others do things (i.e. asking them to revise things that really are okay, they are just not my way of saying something, etc.)

I don’t like limitations. 

I don’t like being told no (obviously the ultimate in limitations).

I can be overly focused on the job at hand and forget the human element.

I can bring so much structure to things that I kill the creative spirit.

I can keep people waiting (either for an appointment, when I get on the phone when working with them, or for something they need from me, etc).

Balance Sheet:

Plus: Caring. Contributor. Mission driven.

Minus: Overly focused on self. Overly structured. Overly particular.

What does your list and balance sheet look like? More importantly, what do we do with our lists? I do think self-awareness is mega-important.  We need to take time to think about the impact we have on those around us.  What is it like for our boss to supervise us? What is it like for our team members to work with us?  We can get so caught up in the task at hand and so entrenched in the ideas that we have about ourselves (either good or bad) that we fail to see: 1) what kind of contribution we are making to our team and to our organization; 2) what we are really like to work with day in and day out; and, 3) what a BIG difference we do make.

I think it is this third point that we miss the most, the BIG difference that we make.  What you say, don’t say, do, don’t do — someone is greatly impacted.  Most often, lots of someones.  We don’t yet know how to be really open with each other. This means that it will be your co-worker’s best friend, close colleague, or partner that hears about what it is like to work with you.  We so often tell other people about what bothers us about working with someone.  This means that it will be rare, if ever, that your co-workers will tell you when something you do bothers them. If you do hear about it, stop everything and listen.  The person that stepped forward is taking a risk.  We know people that don’t like negative feedback; this means that we are often hesitant to give it.  Sometimes people tell us in the form of a joke.  Sometimes they gossip behind our back.  Sometimes that share it with someone they trust to try and figure out how to make it better. Other times, they just keep it quiet and let it eat at them.  If we are fortunate, they let it go or tell us directly. 

This means that it is up to us to ask and answer the question: would you want to work with yourself?  It is up to us to be self-aware and to take the path of growth.  As with so many things in life, it is about mastery rather than an event.  I have been working on “not interrupting” for 12 years.  I have been working on “not gossiping” for about 20 years.  Do I interrupt and gossip less? Absolutely.  Have I obtained perfection? Absolutely not.  It is a journey.  I want to be there for my team, for my clients, for my community.  I want to make a difference.  I also want to accept myself and my own journey, personally and professionally.  The cake is never baked on this thing we call life.  No matter what we do for a living, we can learn more, do more.  No matter what team we sit on, we can show up in a greater way for our team.  The real question then is not “would you want to work with yourself?” but “do you care what it is like to work with you?”  If you do care, than you will observe yourself, ponder on what you learn and jump on the growth path.  I say JUMP.  If you are already on it, I say HELLO to a fellow traveler.  It is great to be awake and aware.  We are connected to each other.  What we do does make a difference.

When is the last time you had a singular focus?

^{Okay, you know how this goes.  I ask you a question, but I am really asking myself.  The last time that I have had a singular focus is…Now.  I am focused on writing this for you.  Really? Okay, not really.  I had a few stray thoughts while I was writing this to you.  The text for this entry looks smaller than it should be.  I am getting drowsy and want a snack; I am back from getting the snack now.  How many posts should I write today?  Focus is pretty tough stuff.  I love the saying “its like herding stray cats.”  That is what it feels like trying to focus sometimes.  Actually, this is what it feels like most of the time.} 

^{So, why am I writing about this today?  I decided that it is time to stop swirling and feeling pressure.  Moreover, I decided that it is time to help my team do the same.  I recognized in myself a tendency to use every spare moment (and the ones that are taken too) doing the absolute most that I could.  You know what I mean.  I check emails while I talk on the phone.  I schedule phone calls during my drive time.  I try to fit in as much as I possibly can each minute of the day.  I hate to pass up any project, internal or external, always wanting to do more, be more, meet new people, learn new things and just plain be involved.}  

^{It runs much deeper than our technology tools that allow us to “reach out and touch someone” 24/7.  I remember in college spraining my ankle when I was reading a book while walking down the stairs.  I have always wanted to fill up each minute of life with a much as I can.  So, back to my decision yesterday that the swirl and the pressure had to stop.  I have had enough of having too much.  I am tired of having more to do in a day than can possibly done.  I have spent a great deal of my professional life helping people get things done, and I LOVE this.  Some people get excited by art, new gadgets, sports, and new ideas.  I get excited about organizing and creating movement.  I love to project manage new initiatives, and while much sadder, I even feel purposeful in helping organizations close programs or downsize when needed.  I feel an adrenaline rush when I get to put together 100s of documents and stacks of binders and coordinate really complex initiatives.  I make sure that I tell any CEO who will listen that I can help them organize their work space because I LOVE having all of their documents and systems to organize.   Of course, I spend lots of time talking to leaders about how to do more.  It is usually about trying to fit 100 hours of work in 60 hours, or something variation of that.}

However, for me, I have decided that I don’t want to do it anymore.  I want less, not more.  I want to to focus SINGULARLY.  I want to focus on the QUALITY and OUTCOME of my action rather than run around like a hamster on wheel, always trying to get somewhere — but staying in the same place. I decided to do this today and guess what?  It is HARD.  As I do one thing, I think of a bunch of others. As I talk to a team member about one project, I want to talk to them about 3 more.  I teach others how to be great leaders and yet, I find as I look around that I continually ask more and more of my team while giving them very little time to FOCUS on what I have asked. For me, it was a wake up call.  The call said FOCUS and allow your team to FOCUS.

Did I have success today? I think that I have.  This morning I set my daily priorities (I told you that I love to organize).  I picked three priorities and agreed if anything else came up that I would triage it.  If it couldn’t wait, I would add it to my list.  If it could, it would go on a parking lot for consideration tomorrow.  I have completed two of my three tasks.  One new thing came up that I felt needed to be added; I added this to my list and completed it.  Everything else waits for tomorrow.  This isn’t where the dramatic difference came though.  After all, most of us have tried ump-teen ways to prioritize our tasks.  It was in the quality of interaction.  It was in the discipline of singular focus.  It was in taking time to breath, to center, to think about what I was doing and to allow myself to do only that particular thing in that particular moment. Try it.  It will blow your mind, or actually, it will free your mind from pressure, stress and swirling.  It is about bringing the NOW concepts so often talked about in a variety of spiritual paths into the work place.  It is allowing yourself to be in the moment, doing what you have decided is a priority in the moment.  Like so many other things in life, it is about a mastery process, rather than an event.  Would you like to join me in taking up this journey? The journey of SINGULARLY FOCUSING on doing what you are doing in your work life?  If so, I would love to hear your ideas and how it is going.  Which reminds me, I would like to send a BIG thank you to all of you emailing me and calling me to tell me you are reading my blog and getting something from it.  As I have shared in posts and when we have spoken, it still feels risky for me to be so open and honest in this forum, so your encouragement means so much. 

So, when is the last time you had singular focus? What does it matter. That is the past.  The real question is: What are you focused on NOW?

 

Have you ever seen a bird with a sugar packet?

I have.  In fact, I saw a bird carrying a sugar packet this afternoon.  I walked out of a Japanese restaurant, a very good one for those of you in Phoenix, AZ, Shiro at Shea and 32nd.  As I was walking to my car, I noticed a small brown bird (not a really tiny small bird, but much smaller than a crow).  So anyway, I notice that this bird is hopping around with a natural sugar packet in his or her mouth.  I know it was a natural sugar packet, because that is the kind that I like to use (the brown ones with ”raw” sugar).  I stop walking to watch the bird.  My business and life partner, Jeff, is with me.  He notices that I have stopped to watch the bird.  I say, “hey look, that bird has a sugar packet in it’s mouth”.  He is not nearly as interested in me, but he also stops to watch the bird.  We notice that the bird has now put the sugar packet in water and is turning it over and over in the water.  Jeff says, “he is doing that on purpose to get the sweet out.”  I say, “really, do you think so?”  I keep watching the bird and sure enough, it starts pecking at the sugar packet to break it open.  If definitely looks like the bird got the packet wet on purpose, so it would open more easily.  Seeing this, Jeff says, “that isn’t the first sugar packet he has had.”  I am not quite ready to leave, but I walk away then. 

So, a few things happened.  It felt good to connect with the bird.  Even though she didn’t notice me, I noticed her.  For a moment in my day, I was aware of my surroundings.  Secondly, I thought to myself, “birds must be smart.”  You know, I have never thought of the brain functioning of a bird until today.  I was going to come up with a third point, but somehow two seems sufficient for a story about a bird and a sugar packet. 

Have you seen anything in your environment that you would like to share? I would love to hear about it.

How is a great leader made?

We talk a lot about leading these days.  I do anyway.  I am not sure how much everyone else thinks about it.  I think about it everyday.  I wonder how I can be a better leader.  I wonder what makes a great leader.  Can Harvard professors and others dissect it into a formula that anyone can follow?  These days, I mainly think about how I can help leaders succeed and how I can help aspiring leaders be just that — leaders.  Of course, that takes me to the age old question of whether leaders are born or made.  I have come to believe that while many a leader is born, that they can be and often are made.  Now, does this mean that every person can become a leader?  Yes!

After all, think about what “lead” means:

To show the way to by going in advance. (www.answer.com)

 While a “leader” is:

One that leads or guides. (www.answer.com)

It is my hope that we can all lead and guide ourselves and others to a better place.  The body of literature and research on leadership attests to its importance in our lives.  I thought that if I learned enough about leadership that I would find THE ANSWER.  The question being, “How do we become great leaders?”  Two things happened when I tried: 1) I learned that there are more books on leadership than I can read in a lifetime; 2) As I read, I learned that I am not going to find THE ANSWER, but rather multiple views on what people THINK the answer is, meaning lots of people have lots of ideas on what makes a leader great.

The books are written by really smart people; they seem really smart to me when I read what they have to say.  A lot of them are backed up by what seems like solid research.  So, why have we not found and agreed upon THE ANSWER? 

Well, I am playing around with the idea that one answer does not exist.  What if there are many paths to becoming a leader?  There must be, right?

I think the most important component for becoming a great leader is this: The desire to be a great leader.  It is our desire for leading others well that takes us to the starting point of our journey.  From that starting point, I think we find the information and approach that best suits us.  So in the end, it isn’t about one size fits all.  It is about the lifetime leadership journey.  That’s right – lifetime.  We continue to grow and master leading for as long as we chose to stay on the learning path.  To me, that is how a great leader is made – one self aware step at a time.